Somebody said something distrubing.

Serving you with two decades of experience.

That's right chicas and chicos, Today is birthday number twenty for old AJ here. I gotts say, I am depressed. All my friends and stuff called to say happy birthday, and my parents. On facebook, a bunch of people i don't really even knoew posted messages with tidings of good day. I am no longer a teenager, no longer a kid in any aspect. What can you do?

I just lost the will to write anymore, so I'll continue this post later.

Everything is Everything else

Really, it is.

30% less fat than the average of the leading chocolate candy brands

'S true.

Tomorrow will be the greatest day since the last great day, which was today. But the approaching greatness of manana is enough to give the average man a nose bleed. Seriously. Tomorrow, I return to the town of my ascent into adulthood. I was the greatest thing to ever happen to that town, and most of its inhabitants died shortly after I moved away, but it should still be pretty... OK. And after my triumphant return (which is why they call it good Friday, you know) I will go South to Myrtle Beach, the worst city on the planet excluding NY, to view the one and only Jerry Seinfeld. Oh, yess, there will be blood. Then Jimmy Buffet himself will carry me off to a magical place called, you guessed it, Margaritaville. Tomorrow night, I shall sleep the sleep of the man who just experienced a great day. A GREAT DAY! DAMNIT!

But I hate to brag.

I went a few nights ago and walked around Wilmington taking pictures and slept in a playground. Kindof like a Hobo. I guess it is becoming a hobby of mine, as this is the second time I've done it, and plan on doing it some more. Some interesting things I found:

In the woods behing UNCW, off the trail; two broken Kempo practice swords, stricking out of the ground.

In a field in some woods with no road leading to it; a brand new boat trailer.

Grafitti: the word "spit" with a picture of spit.

Two cops drag racing their cruisers.

An affinity for bluegrass.

Things I lost:

My walking stick, down a sewer drain.

Mine and my wife's virginity.

Three eyebrows and 2 mg of skin flakes.

Queue the music!

Melon Man and the Marmalade Madness

I should probably not ever own a household chemical manufacturing company. I would be too tempted to put things like, "Now Better Tasting!" on the bleach bottles or recipies for bombs on the toilet bowl cleaner. Yeah.

Yesterday, I had all of this free time and pretty much nothing to do with it. I tried to write some stuff I've been working on, but I've kinda been discouraged about my writing abilities lately, ah-so I got very little done. I ended up nailing a bunch of boards to a chair so that it is impossible to sit on the cushon. This would have pissed off my wife, so I then dismantled my work. But it was fun while it lasted.

Disconnected, discontinued, discontent, disco!

I am a terrible student. I mean probably the worst student ever to actually attempt to study. I don't know how I will ever make it in the world, I'm not gonna be rich, though. I can promise you that. Rich would be a bad choice. A lot of people go to college to get rich. They are rich majors.

It's funny, a lot of other counties in NC have strawberry or oyster fesivals. Blue Crab, watermelon, apple, corn, all sorts of festivals devoted to a food thing, but here in Wilmington, we have the Azalea Festival. Azaleas are poisonous if you eat them.

A hah ahahaha ahahaha ahaha aahahahhha ahha aha haaha ahahaha aha aha ahahaha!

It's the internet. It is just as bad as television. That is why I have no creative juices. That and the fact that my creative juicer is on the fritz. I waste all of this time now looking at youtube videos and reading McSweeneys and my awesome creative powers are just zapped. I should probably just leave the keyboard alone for a while. I will limit myself to two email checks a day and I'll just chech Mcsweeneys once evey morning to see if my thing has been published yet. And I'll do this blahg thing ever once in a while. Like y'all care.

Yeah! Raspberries and lemons in my mouth make me wanna go whoo-yipple! It's a goodun!