Ice cubes are for fools!

Everything happens for a reason, unless I did it.

I think that if I were to have a huge, unsightly growth somewhere on my face, I would want it to be in my eyeball. This would probably be a bit uncomfortable for me, but I have to think about everybody i meet. Think about it, everybody wants to stare at cysts and tumors and blemishes and rashes and brain-pods, but it is considered rude to do so, so they have to feel uncomfortable or mean and look away. If I had a cyst on my eye, or a second, centimeter tall face, people could stare at it all they want and I would not know the difference from if they were just looking me in the eye. Maybe then people could start looking me in the eye when they are talking.

If a computer keyboard made notes, I would be unable to type.

Good nudes! I finally feel like this appartment is my home. I have lived here for 8.5 months without feeling at home, but I realized tonight that I do now. And I gotta tell ya, it's good to be home. More goods: I don't think I have cancer! I found a large lumpy growthy thing on my left testicle a little while ago and was quite worried that I had cancer. After doing some research, I found that it is likely just my epididimus (tube which carried spermies) that is swollen, which is quite common and no cause for alarm. I am still going to get it checked out, because I exhibited some other symptoms and if it is my epididithingy it is a bit larger that most, but I am more optimistic about it now. I was worried because If I did have cancer and had to do chemo, my beard would probably fall out, and I have worked hard on this thing.

About Schmidt--great movie. er... film. I mean just spectacular. It takes a little while to get going, but it says a lot about American humans as a species and has a lot of subtle cinematic treats for those who seek them. I suggest you see it, obviously.

I can not stop coughing. It just randomly started this afternoon and now I feel like the kid in the dimetap (sp?) commercial. I am not drinking that stuff though, you can be sure of that.

I had a dream last night that I woke up with big manly python arms. I still had all my same scars and stuff, but my arms were big and cut. I looked pretty danged good. I used to think that the body type I have now was the ideal one for me, but noe I think I should bulk up a little and tone. Steroids are a victimless crime, and that's still a crime. Good thing I don't give a damn about the law.

Drum solo!

I guess I'm good now. No, I wasn't good before and this blahg entry changes nothing. As a great man once said, "I'm having a stroke- of genious!"

The Glowing Tortellini

I went to see Ultraviolet last night. I did not know that it was another damn comic book movie until I got in the theater. I usually hate comic book movies, but I really really hated this one. It was just so terribly wirtten and made, I can't believe they actually put it on a screen. Mila Jovovich is moderately hot, but she looks too much like a 13 year old. The movie was one big fight scene, and nothing in it made any sence or was explained to the audience. It wasted much more than the time it took to watch it, as I am wasting time now writing about it. Just do not see it. It's not even worth seeing for free.

I have a friend who is pregnant, I guess she's about at six months right now. And I'll tell ya, pregnant women are beautiful. They've got that big, round pooch belly and they really do glow. It is just such a neat thing, to be pregnant. The be carrying around a life with you. I just had to keep rubbing her pregnant little belly.

After we left the theater, or as we were leaving, rather, we found a big pallate of bricks. I am a pirate, so I had to take a few as my booty from the theater. Bricks have to be the hardest thing to steal off the ground. You can't run with 'em. If a cop showed up, I'd be screwed. "Hey kid, what are you doing with those bricks?" "Uh...they're mine. I bought them." Wont work. And stolen bricks are the heaviest of all bricks. But i can imagine now that what they are building whatever it is they are building, they will be just about finished, then say, "hey, we're missin 13 bricks here!"

I used my bounty to build on to the intallation piece in my office. I say intallation piece, but really I just like putting random things together.

Has anyone lost some weight, 'cause I think I found it.

ohhhh...that.

Been a while, I know. Who cares, really, though? Yesterday was st.patty's day, one of my favorite holidays ever. Ever! I had a good week because of St. Patty's and other stuff. Mostly other stuff. Actually, my week was mediocre.

Good news! There is this literary magazine, McSweeney's, which is so awesome, it both killed and revived my, simultaneously. And it may have granted/cursed me with eternal life on earth, just by reading it. Anyway, one of my life goals is to get something published in that magazine. This has not happened yet, but I have something coming out on their web-site, McSweeneys.net, shortly. It is not much, just a little letter, but I am excited none the less. Just keep a lookout for it under the category, "Open Letters to people or Entities who are Unlikely to Respond." I'll probably post a link as well.

My last post boasted a picture, but did not include one. This post should include a picture of my killer tat. It says "Ephemeral" Yes, it is in English. It means the opposite of eternal. I got the tat because that is how I think of life. I try to keep in mind what is ephemeral and fleeting and what will last, because the lasting things are the things that are permanent. These things are different for everybody, and the lasting things for me are really inconsequential to you. It felt like putting my wrist on top of a hot stove. January 11th. $50. Jade Monkey, at the corner of Kerr and Wrightsville. about fifteen minutes. Anyway, that's my tat, and there should be no more unanswered questions.

Progress, ladies and non-female bi-pods, progress. There are those who revel in it, completely immersing themselves in all of the technology and advancements they can and there are those who avoid it at all costs. Then there are those, like myself, who find a happy medium between the two. First off, cell phones are great. They are portable and more user friendly in general that land lines. Camera phones, video phones, gold plated designer phones, people calling just to use their phones, people calling people from inside a store, etc., are all lame and excessive. They have no real practical purpose. This does not mean that cell phones should be banned, though. Why not have one, just don't suck at it. Cars. They are very useful. When they were invented, necessity was the mother of invention. Yeah, they pollute Mr. I-only-ride-bikes, but they get you from Barstow to Wilmington in a few days. We don't need all of these expensive accessories. Street vehicles don't need to be raceable. And anybody who would spend $250,000 on a car should have their license revoked. It is called progress for a reason. People who fight it at all costs are just afraid of change.

Wouldn't it be fun to drive from Wilmington to Barstow? The whole length of I-40, over 2,000 miles.

Supplying my Ears

So, it is almost 2AM and I am awake. I really do not want to be, but sleep is avoiding me right now. I don't know why, I think I said something that pissed it off. Effing sleep. I really need to sleep, too. I have class at Ten in the morning and I am going to a concert tomorrow night. I really don't want to be dead tired at this concert. Happy Jack!

I was unbearably nice in Wilmington today. It was a little on the hot side, but not enough so to make me really uncomfortable. I just felt like doing something outside all day, but, alas, no such luck. It was like the weather was standing outside my workplace taunting me all day.

Today was my wife's 21st birthday. We went to Applebee's 'cause she wanted some pretty drinks. She had two, one was free 'cause it's her birthday and I think they put extra rum in the other. She was a little more than tipsy when we got home and it was funny. She did not want to be, but she has never really had liquer before.

Dropkick Murpheys is tomorrow, it will rock on into the night. I convinced my wife to let me get a ticket to Bonnaroo for my birthday. It will rock on into, uh... three straight days. It is a three day music festival in Manchester, TN featuring something like 40 bands, including Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Beck, Radiohead, Elvis Costello and the Impersonators, Matishyuo, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Deathcab for Cutie, and many others that I can not remember off the top of my head. It is in June, and as I said, My organs will be rocked out. Check it out @ Bonnaroo.com

I was going to put up a picture of my killer Tat, but the camera is all the way downstairs and I don't feel like doing it. So instead you get me in bad lighting with a funny hat. It is uploading as we speak.

Don't play the Sims.